Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
