I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
