She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
