Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
