this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
