i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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