My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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