i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
