My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
