there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
