Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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