turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
