Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
