I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i will never coherently bang her
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
