he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
MIDGETS
????
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
