Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
