I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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