she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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