i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
