Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
