Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
