You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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