so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
