and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
