I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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