my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
