check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
