Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
