i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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