Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
