who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
