Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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