btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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