A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
