Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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