He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I will die if light touches me.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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