Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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