Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
sex in a hospital.. check
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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