some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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