I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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