Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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