I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
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she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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