watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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