i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
