I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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