He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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