pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Randomize
