I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
