Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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