I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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