Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
