i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
