Only a mothe r could love this liver
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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