he puts the penis in happiness.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
