Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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