Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
