I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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