if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
