dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
