the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
