That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
