I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
