Bisexual people are plain selfish.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
